Chukat/Balak
Numbers 19:1−25:9
Shabbat, July 4, 2009 / 12 Tammuz, 5769
Religion is a serious business, and the great scriptures of all religions have vivid moments of high drama. The Torah alone contains countless unforgettable scenes: Abraham standing ready, knife in hand, to sacrifice his son Isaac. Moses smashing the tablets, as he watches his people dancing around the golden idol.
There should be more to life and to scripture than drama. Yet there is surprisingly little scriptural comedy. In fact, there is hardly any. Which is why we should all be delighted by this week’s Torah portion.
Balak is the King of Moab. He sees the Israelites in his territory, and he is afraid that, “This horde will now lick up all that is around us, as an ox licks up the grass of the field.” So he hires Balaam, a famous diviner and prophet, to curse Israel.
Now Balaam appears not only here, but elsewhere in the Bible, and is thought to have actually been a real or legendary Semitic figure. He takes the job, but in a rather confusing and disjointed series of events—confusing because the portion is taken from different sources—Balaam ends up obeying God, and blessing rather than cursing Israel.
About one event, however, there is no confusion. In the Bible’s number one slapstick comedy routine, the Torah makes a complete and utter fool of Balaam.
Here’s the scene. Balaam has already informed Balak that God has told him not to curse Israel, but the King won’t take no for an answer. God says: Fine, go ahead and go with them, but do only what I tell you. Inexplicably, when Balaam does set out to go, God gets angry with him (I told you this was confusing).
The Torah picks up the story in Numbers Chapter 22:
22God’s anger was kindled because he was going, and the angel of the LORD took his stand in the road as his adversary. Now he [Balaam] was riding on the donkey, and his two servants were with him. 23The donkey saw the angel of the LORD standing in the road, with a drawn sword in his hand; so the donkey turned off the road, and went into the field; and Balaam struck the donkey, to turn it back onto the road.
24Then the angel of the LORD stood in a narrow path between the vineyards, with a wall on either side. 25When the donkey saw the angel of the LORD, it scraped against the wall, and scraped Balaam’s foot against the wall; so he struck it again.
26Then the angel of the LORD went ahead, and stood in a narrow place, where there was no way to turn either to the right or to the left. 27When the donkey saw the angel of the LORD, it lay down under Balaam; and Balaam’s anger was kindled, and he struck the donkey with his staff.
28Then the LORD opened the mouth of the donkey, and it said to Balaam, “What have I done to you, that you have struck me these three times?” 29Balaam said to the donkey, “Because you have made a fool of me! I wish I had a sword in my hand! I would kill you right now!” 30But the donkey said to Balaam, “Am I not your donkey, which you have ridden all your life to this day? Have I been in the habit of treating you this way?” And he said, “No.”
31Then the LORD opened the eyes of Balaam, and he saw the angel of the LORD standing in the road, with his drawn sword in his hand; and he bowed down, falling on his face. 32The angel of the LORD said to him, “Why have you struck your donkey these three times? I have come out as an adversary, because your way is perverse before me. 33The donkey saw me, and turned away from me these three times. If it had not turned away from me, surely just now I would have killed you and let it live.”
Long before Mr. Ed, long before Shrek, there was Balaam’s donkey. “Hey, what’d I ever do to you? Have I ever steered you wrong?” he says. And Balaam, who as a professional prophet has seen some pretty weird stuff, who has actually heard directly from God, can only do a slack-jawed double take and dumbly mutter, “Uh, nope.” Great stuff.
Now this scene comes in the middle of some very serious times in a very serious text. The journey of the Israelites is coming to an end, and there is still some serious history to chronicle and some serious issues to resolve. But just for a moment, in the midst of all this, there is a time for a laugh.
There’s a lot been written about Jews and comedy. There are a lot of theories about why so many Jews try and succeed at making people laugh. If you ask me, maybe that interest and that talent all go back a few thousand years, way back to the Torah and Balaam’s amazing talking ass.
Bob Schwartz
